I started to watch the anime series Basilisk yesterday.
I’ve always had a little ”thing” for anime guys (wait a minute?! is that even possible?!).
Being totally in love with Starzinger’s Cogo, pretending to be Princess Aurora whilst growing up, probably messed me up big time.
Don’t worry, I’m not “crushing” on the gorgeous anime-guys for real… but besides, if I did, it’s not like every male on the planet didn’t fell a tiny bit for Jessica Rabbit, right?

So anyway…  As I  sort of crushed on Genosuke, the main guy.
(I know, the hair style would NEVER work irl, but the dreamy eyes?! Oh yes!).
I started to think about how much I love how the japanese filmmakers tell their stories. So melancholic, beautiful, respectful to nature, delicate, magical and with massive influence of their old beliefs and culture.
Basilisk contains a lot of cool ninja-fighting, a good story, innocent love, sadness (AND Genosuke!!).
In video games, manga and anime there’s oftenly female ninjas/warriors that kick as much ass as the male characters. I love, love, love that!

Okay, time to shut up?

Brrrrrr!

Okay, so lets stop the complaining for a moment.
On Wednesday there’s a Dj-gig coming up for me. Yeay! That’s probably the best this week.
YeeezzzZZZZZzzzzzzzz…

And so hard and frustrating and angsty and fun and crazy and panicky.
   I’m never, ever gonna be anything but impressed by good Dj’s.
I had no idea that it is that hard.
It’s so much hard work behind those beats and the flow on the dance floor.
And if the crossover between songs and the beat matching goes wrong, you literally want to kill yourself.

So, I guess I’ll report about how it all went down later.
See ya out there Party People!

Yesterday I had a great night.
I had the pleasure to have the company of two of my best girlfriends (Gawd, I adore those two).
We had dinner, drank wine , laughed and went out to this very cool “black” club.
I don’t even know if you call it that in English, but it means that it’s listed as a private club, where you have to be on the guest list to enter.
Anyway, while we where there, I suddenly recognized someone from my past.
For the first time in centuries I met this guy that I was sort of in love with when I was 16.
He looked… kind of the same.
We haven’t seen each other since high school, so we talked for a while and he was… kind of rude.
Not to me, but to everyone else.
Once upon a time he use to be an “IT-dude” in Stockholm… and I wouldn’t be surprised if he still is… but…
His way of looking at people frightened me. I suddenly remembered the hierarchy on my old school.
Realizing that this dude is almost thirty freaking years old – and still acting like 17.
How do you have the energy? Why don’t you just enjoy your night and have fun?
He told me I was very pretty, which was exactly what I wanted to hear – before I took of with my girlfriends and had an after party at my place with some other friends. Mehehehe.
Yeah. It was a great night dudes! You should have been with me!

I wonder what this night will give me?

I wonder what this night will hold for me?
Will it be one of the many nights, that just falls into space, that you hardly remember?

- or will it be magical?

I keep looking for the stars.

That single word is loaded with so many emotions.
As we all know, there’s so many different levels to it… My thoughts today circles around the kind that grabs you when it comes to love.

We’ve all been there, when your stomach twists inside-out, you lose control for a moment and feel sick to your core.
In that second it doesn’t matter how much you promised yourself NOT to react at all, not to see her smile and the way he responds to it.
It doesn’t matter how much you weren’t going to get upset, put your self down and burn with anger and fear. Your sixth sence just knows.
The difference between us all, is how we handle that emotion.

I’m lucky that jealousy doesn’t find me that often; saying that, it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel it. STRONG.
But when the emotion strangles me, I often manage to breath and keep somewhat calm. I always calculate how to act around a girl that makes me shake.
I constantly remind myself that ”I want to be friends with guys”, “I want to be allowed to say “Hi” to an ex if we accidentally meet.”.
What I’ve noticed during years of having/watching my friends relationships, is that so many of us act so stupidly in this particular matter.

We all know, that what you can’t have - is what you secretly want.

No matter how stupid it sounds, it’s the truth. There’s always something fresh and exciting in a pair of eyes, that you’re not allowed to meet. 
The excitement lies in how forbidden things are – and that’s the secret.

I’ve seen it a billion times.
And over and over I can’t believe how stupid some girls (and guys) are.
I will take a fresh example from my own life.

Last friday I met up with some of my friends on this club.
One of them has a girlfriend since about six months; a girl whom is very beautiful - and very distant with new people.
Earlier this summer I heard rumors that she, by some mysterious reason, felt jealousy towards me.
But that was all a while back now and I haven’t thought about it at all, especially not since I’ve been in love with someone else.
I’m NOT out to get her boyfriend at all, I’ve been friends with this dude for years.
And as all of my friends know (including her) - I’m newly dumped, kind of miserable and really need fun things around me right now.
So anyway – there’s about six of us sitting around a table, drinking, laughing, rotating and hanging out.
Suddenly I’m sitting next to her boyfriend and of course we start to chit-chat a little, as normal friends do. We talk about my break-up and everything and nothing.
He encourages me with a tiny and friendly hug (because I’ve been so sad); and just tells me that “What kind of idiot would dump a girl like you?”.
Exactly like a friend should.
Suddenly we look up and she’s standing at the end of the table, like an extreme drama queen – looking like the world has ended.
A huge argument explodes, that involves and affect all of our friends. Of course I’m the subject of it all – in this case, completely innocent. 
Even though they don’t include me verbally in their argument – I feel awkward and weird in their company.
For me, right then, it’s impossible to understand why she would act the way she did?

It all ends with them leaving the party, me getting really angry and our friends talking about her being a bad girlfriend.

Why, oh why do girls do that to themselves?

Don’t they understand that the smartest thing to do – is to walk up to me, smile, shake my hand and try to be friends with me?
That is the secret to it all -  the BEST weapon in the world against other girls.
Because if you do that, you’ll become someone.
A girl interested in your guy, will avoid making friends with you as long as possible – because she doesn’t want a face, a personality behind your eyes.
If you’re the nicest girl ever to her, it will be so much harder for her to try to steal your happiness.
Now, the girl I’m using in my example, she puts things in motion.
Even though in this particular situation, I don’t care for hin like that - I become someone special for him, someone he will think about.
Someone he will secretly want to talk to, someone forbidden. He’s already ashamed of her behaviour and our friends talk, I’m already someone he will hide from her, someone he will talk to behind her back.
Stupid, stupid girls…
Why don’t you ever walk up with your head up high – and play down the enemy and entire situation? 
What if I was in love with him? This would be the PERFECT time to get him to myself.

Girls. Stop and think for a while.

Walk into this world with your head up high- You are the one he wants to be with!

1. The Dj gig went down successful and we had so much fun! I admit that it might be years ago that I was that drunk (damn bartenders!).
I’m weak – I know… But when the entire bar looks at you when the bartenders comes around with rounds and rounds of shots – you just give in. (Bwaha, excuse enough?!).
Luckily I managed to get home safe after an epic night!
I’m meeting a guy that owns another bar in Stockholm on tuesday – so it might be that more gigs coming up!

2. Guys keep destroying my life as usual. Yeay! Nothing has changed at all during my 20-something years of “fun”.
I really thought this time was special though, that he was different from others, smart, loving and honest… I was wrong.
What the hell was I thinking? One of these days I have to wake up from my fairytale thoughts.  He is just like every other guy, wandering from girl to girl – pretending that he is serious, secretly acting like an idiot. There’s been some tears around… but sunshine is starting to slip through my thoughts again.
It can’t rain all the time.

3. Tonight is all about my place, wine and one of my cutest girlfriends! Smashing!
I want to dance the night away - I need some serious fun!
My usual wingman is out of town for a week, feels a little empty without my girl!
Astro – I miss you!

4. Yesterday I went to the hairdresser. It’s something I always do when I’m starting a “new life” and need to move on.
Seriously, everyone that hasn’t done it before - it’s nessesary when shitty things happen in life. It’s almost like you leave the ”the old you” behind and get a fresh start. This time I wanted to cut and dye my hair darker. The result?
Almost exactly the color I had when I came… but yes, a tiny bit shorter.
Weirdness?!

5. I’m gonna start a new and creative life now!
(Do you think it will happen for real?)
I need change!

Have the best weekend guys!
I’m gonna give you one of  Swedens “Queen B’s”!

Robyn – Hang with me

My taste in music use to be so centered around alternative/metal/rock/stoner, more or less living at gigs and festivals - and now I’m gonna do a gig full of soul, electro and pop.
I FREAKIN LOVE IT!
There’s so much new and fantastic music in my life! So many new songs that has to be filled with memories.
Can’t wait to do this!

So, I’m gonna start a mission on posting some of my new favorite songs here on my dying blog.

See ya in Stockholm this friday!